Who Will Be UB’s Interim President?

Link: http://UBdumb.com

With less than a month before President Simpson’s resignation will take effect, there has been no announcement or discussion beyond the inner circle at Capen Hall as to who will temporarily reside as UB’s interim president. Mr. Nostaja is still the leading candidate and the Frog’s best guess as to who will take over UB’s leadership during this period of crisis (FYI: UB is always is one sort of crisis or another, but this one seems extra serious.). Readers will recall that Mr. Nostaja was announced by Capen Hall back in September to replace Simpson until a permanent (at least official, permanence not being a feature of recent UB Presidents) UB president could be selected. The resounding protests among the faculty and heard from a few community leaders led to Mr. Nostaja temporarily withdrawing (i.e., waiting for the clamor to die down) from the position of interim president. But the Frog predicted back then that much like the terminator he would be back, not only to preside over the University and its search for a new president but to also continue cutting faculty and academic departments to streamline the UB business enterprise. After all, why waste time progressing towards transforming UB into a total market-driven institution based on the California business model that has worked so well as evidenced by the current U.S. economy? For example, the administration is rumored to be exploring ways to have classes taught by off-shore professors through modern telecommunications networks (viz., the Internet repackaged to sound like a UB innovation) similar to how customer service and other business functions are now largely based in India and Pakistan for many major U.S. corporations. Hey, they work much cheaper (provide the product for less) and speak English with some degree of clarity.

Running UB on a business model does have its advantages. A few members of the UB faculty are excited about the prospects of UB issuing common stock and are already making provisions to sell short (viz., betting that the stock value will plummet) after the initial stock offering (IPO). Salaries may be dismal for non-administrative professors, but at least some compensation might be found in UB’s management selling out New York’s stake in the Buffalo branch of its high education system. As usual the New York State taxpayers will pick up most of the costs with additional costs being born by the generous alumni and others who have made charitable gifts to the University.

The astute reader will notice that most of this commentary had little to do with directly addressing the topic of “who will serve as UB’s Interim President?” and that’s exactly the point. Throw a couple of red herring out there, digress on other popular themes interspersed with a few outrageous statements and the audience is largely distracted from the most important item currently being decided – who WILL serve as UB’s Interim President?! If you saw through this tactic before reading this paragraph, then perhaps you’ve already seen through the similar types of tactics being used by UB’s administration that has effectively ducted confronting this issue again. And by the time the clock runs out and Dr. Simpson is gone, what choice will there be except to accept Mr. Nostaja?

For those who are now starting to master the subtleties of the Frog’s prose, you have undoubtedly noted that the designation of “Dr. Simpson” was substituted for the usual “President Simpson” or just “Simpson.” That was to emphasize that President Simpson does indeed have a doctorate degree. And why “Dr.” was used in preference to “Prof.” Simpson which might better emphasize his academic standing? Because the title “professor” can be easily bestowed upon anyone who has been given that appointment by the university’s administration—“Mr. Nostaja” could become “Prof. Nostaja” at the stroke of a pen, perhaps receiving his distinguished academic title most appropriately from UB’s School of Management. Similarly UB could award Mr. Nostaja an honorary doctorate degree, but very few people with an honorary doctorate [as apposed to an earned doctorate] are blazon enough to use “Dr.” in their formal title in an academic environment.